Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
