what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
