I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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