That's intense
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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