i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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