he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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