I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
