Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
