i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The uberlube is also flammable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
