can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
