We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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