How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize