I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
