I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
