I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize