Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
