i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize