I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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