Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
