My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
wow bdsm is so cute
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