the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
