You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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