Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
