if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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