He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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