while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize