i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
