"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
