Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
