The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
