Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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