We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
