I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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