Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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