Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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