Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
