I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
