I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
