My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
