Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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