you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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