Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
