Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
