it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
