We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
