Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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