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You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
