Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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