I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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