i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
