while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
