I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
