I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
