Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
