We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
