He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
