Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
