how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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