If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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