Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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