grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
