I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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