It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
