Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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