great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
