she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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