you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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