i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
