So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
