capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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