Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
