You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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