...so i touched it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
