we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
