I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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