Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
