Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
sex in a hospital.. check
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
