all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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