I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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