True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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