Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Please don't give away my fajitas
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
