he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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