apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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