The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
