then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The power of my boobs compel you
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
