I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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