ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
