Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize