So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
