I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
