I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
