Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
