you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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