I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
